Join me in my existential dread.

A Journal Entry From a Burnt-Out Mind 📝😮‍💨

Not an Article. Not a Rant. Just... Thoughts.

April 2026

I don't want to write about the war anymore.

I've written three articles. Predictions. Losing my mind about pedophiles. The fake ceasefire. The oil prices. The lies.

And none of it changed anything.

The war is still happening. Trump is still lying. Oil is still expensive. People are still dying.

So I'm done. For now. I don't know.

Instead, I'm writing this. A journal entry. A therapy session. Something I can put on the site so I don't have to keep it in my head.

I: THE BURNOUT 😮‍💨

I'm tired.

Not the "I need a good night's sleep" tired. The existential kind. The kind where you stare at the ceiling at 2 AM and wonder what any of it means.

The war started. I wrote about it. Then more happened. I wrote again. Then the ceasefire lie. I wrote again.

Each article took something out of me.

And now? I'm running on empty.

My eyes are heavy. My motivation is gone. I stare at the screen and nothing comes. Every sentence feels like pulling teeth.

I used to think that if I just understood enough—if I just read enough, watched enough videos, connected enough dots—I would figure it out. I would see the pattern. I would know what comes next.

But I don't.

II: THE QUESTION I CAN'T ESCAPE ❓

In one of those articles, I wrote that life is sacred.

I meant it. I still mean it. Mostly.

But it's harder to believe now.

You look at the news. You see what's happening. You see young soldiers dying on dusty battlefields for reasons no one can explain.

And you think: sacred?

Really?

I don't know anymore.

I'm not saying I was wrong. I'm not saying life isn't sacred. I'm saying that belief—that feeling—is harder to hold onto when the world is on fire.

Maybe that's normal. Maybe that's what happens when you watch too much news and spend too much time online.

Or maybe it's something deeper. Something I haven't figured out yet.

III: ALAN WATTS — THE WRONG QUESTION 🌊

A while ago, I read a book by Alan Watts. He's a philosopher. British guy. Died in the 70s. Wrote a lot about Zen, about Eastern thought, about the nature of consciousness.

I don't remember most of it. But one thing stuck with me.

He said that asking "what is the meaning of life" is the wrong question. Not because life has no meaning. But because the question itself is broken.

It's like asking what the color blue sounds like. Blue doesn't sound like anything. It's a color. The question doesn't make sense.

Life isn't something that has a meaning. It's something you live. The meaning isn't hidden behind a door. It's in the act of opening the door.

I liked that. It made sense to me.

But lately, I've been wondering: what if you don't want to open the door? What if the door leads somewhere terrible?

IV: EMIL CIORAN — THE HONEST NIHILIST 🖤

Then there's Emil Cioran. Romanian philosopher. Very depressing. Very honest.

He said life has no meaning. Full stop. There's no purpose. No grand design. No point.

And he didn't say it with sadness. He said it with... relief. Like the weight of searching had been lifted.

If nothing matters, you're free. You can do whatever you want. There's no cosmic scoreboard. No final judgment. No one keeping track.

I see the appeal.

But here's my problem with nihilism. Even saying "life has no meaning" is giving it a meaning. You're defining it. You're putting it in a box.

Maybe the truth is messier than that. Maybe it's both. Maybe it's neither. Maybe the question is the trap.

V: RELIGION — THE ANSWER I'M NOT QUALIFIED TO EVALUATE 🕍⛪🕌

I grew up in Canada. Secular country. Religion isn't really given a thought. It's a side thing. Most people don't think about it.

I didn't think about it either.

But now, watching the world burn, I wonder if that was a loss.

Jews. Christians. Muslims. Hindus. Billions of people, across thousands of years, have found answers in their faith. Meaning. Purpose. A framework for understanding suffering.

I don't know enough to evaluate any of it. I've read bits and pieces. Watched debates. Listened to lectures. But I'm not a scholar. I'm not a believer. I'm just a guy with questions.

And the questions won't leave.

VI: THE CHILD GETTING BOMBED 💔

Here's the part that breaks all the philosophy.

You can talk about Alan Watts and "living in the present." You can talk about Cioran and "the freedom of meaninglessness." You can talk about religion and "God's plan."

But what do you say to a child getting bombed?

What do you say to a kid in Gaza, in Iran, in Ukraine, who wakes up every day wondering if today is the day?

Do you tell them to "live in the present"? The present is a nightmare.

Do you tell them "nothing matters anyway"? That's cruel.

Do you tell them "it's part of God's plan"? I don't know. Maybe. But I can't say that. I don't have the right.

I don't have an answer.

And maybe that's the most honest thing I can say.

VII: THE SHIFT — WHAT COMES NEXT 🔮

I've spent months writing about politics. Criticizing both sides. Talking about wars and oil prices and pedophiles in power.

And I'll probably keep doing that. The world isn't getting less crazy.

But I also want to write about something else. Something bigger. Something harder.

Philosophy. Religion. Meaning. Purpose. The questions that keep you up at night.

Not because I have answers. Because I don't. And because I think other people might be asking the same things.

I don't know if this will work. I don't know if anyone will read it. I don't know if I'll embarrass myself.

But I have to try.

VIII: THE NON-CONCLUSION 🌌

I started this because I was burnt out. I'm still burnt out. But writing helped. A little.

I don't know what life means. I don't know if it's sacred or meaningless or both or neither.

I don't know if there's a God. I don't know if there's a plan. I don't know if the child getting bombed will ever find peace.

But I know that asking the questions is better than pretending they don't exist.

And I know that writing this—putting it out into the world—made me feel less alone.

Maybe it will do the same for someone else.

Allen

FriedReads.com | Still asking. Still tired. Still here.

April 2026